A GPS For Your Uncle

10 Oct

He’s gone. Again. As soon as we are busy or distracted, he bugs out of here. You’re his favorite nephew so we’re depending on you to get him back home. I know it’s a thankless job and the old boy can be a lot to handle but he’s your uncle after all.

He’s been acting kinda naughty lately and, by the way, he took his old combat boots and that rusty old WW11 helmet with him this time. That’s not good. We did hear he was seen hanging out with his old war buddies in a bar in Kiev. Ukraine. I hope he doesn’t start in with the vodka. You know how he gets!

Now here’s what you say when you catch up with Uncle, “Sam we need you back home in good old Plato,I know that’s ironic, USA.” Tell him things aren’t so good and his wandering off all over the place doesn’t help. But if you can’t find him there try the Levant. I know, I know. He made an awful mess there the last time but you know how he is. Just wants to be helpful. Always makes thing worse. Plus he took his old pilot’s cap, too. That doesn’t bode well for anybody within range when he flies. Doddering oaf!

Sorry… sweet old guy. Make sure when you give him the GPS tracking device he knows how it works. His mind, you know. It’s coordinated for Plato, Texas County, Missouri, U. S. of A. and nowhere else. Remind him that Plato is the Mean center of US population, his de facto home town and the population, last count, was 109. Now it’s 108 with your Uncle Sam gone off wandering about the globe again. And that he’s sorely missed, here. Make sure to tell him that. Those folks in Iraq, Syria, Iran etc. will be glad to see the last of him, no doubt.

All that stomping around in those big combat boots of his! Never seems to notice when he plows through a place the wreckage he leaves behind. Typical male! I know that’s not nice, sonny, but what else could a body think? Does he ever clean up his messes? No. And where is he now with all the bills coming due? Off flying his stupid remote control buzz-bombs, that’s where. Never seems to learn. His mind; he’s slipping. Oh my, he took his little sailor hat, too.

Please find Uncle Sam and bring him home, nephew, even if you have to beg him or…whatever. Please do it now.


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